Valentine’s Is More than Romance

February is the month of love, but Valentine's Day can be about far more than Romance and flowers. You can turn it into a celebration of every type of love- family and friends as well. To fully appreciate and contribute to any of these relationships, you need to create and nurture a love for self.

Love of Others, Love of Self

It’s everywhere you look these days- Hearts, flowers, candy. Valentines Day- you either love it or hate it. And for those without a partner to share it with, it can be a difficult day filled with loneliness and heartache.

February is the month of love, and for me, being newly single and still healing from the emotional trauma that dissolved the marriage I’d sunk my entire heart into, I’ve had to re-evaluate what “love” really means. And you know what I’ve learned? Love is about more than the partner you’ve promised a commitment to. It’s way more than romance and flowers. (Though I do love both!)

Love is about every relationship in your life- not just romantic, but family and friends as well. And it’s my belief that to fully appreciate and contribute to any of these relationships, you need to create and nurture a love for self.

Love for Others

Love is a funny thing. It’s infinite, yet finite. Limited, but limitless. You can expand your circle of love to many, but it can’t be hoarded or held onto. If it’s not used or given away, it dies.

Love grows and strengthens with use. The more you give to and share with others, the more you’ll have. It multiplies to fit the need of those around you. Whatever you’re willing to give away, you’ll always have enough.

Valentine’s Isn’t Only Romantic

Valentine’s Day has never just been about a partner for me. Ever since I was very little, I’d wake up on February 14th to a thoughtful card and a handful of sugary treats from my mom. The day has been filled with hugs, notes, and treats from grandparents, siblings, and extended family. I realize I’ve been blessed far more than most, for which I am intensely grateful.

How To Spread Love to Everyone in your Life

Whether or not you’ve had an upbringing like mine, you can still choose to spread love to those in your own inner circle. Need some ideas of how to do this?

  1. Send Out Valentines: My siblings and I grew up making homemade Valentines for our family and friends. Complete with construction paper, stickers and those white paper doilies. You know the kind… Now I’m not a particular crafty-type of person, but as a kid I always enjoyed spending a little time making something special for the people I cared about. Long before “romance” was a thing for me, I learned how good it felt to share my love with those important people in my life. (But if you’d rather not craft your valentines, there’s really nothing wrong with buying them a nice card!)
  2. Write a Nice Letter: Perhaps instead of (or in addition to) making or purchasing valentines, you can pick a couple especially influential close family members/friends and write them a note telling them how grateful you are for them and what they add to your life.
  3. Give Service: Stepping outside your own life and doing something nice for someone else can be a huge boon to your spirits. Seeing how your efforts lighten the lives of someone you care about (or even your community) is a fantastic way to share love.

Love for Self

But love for others isn’t the only love you need in your life. If you give and give without ever refilling your tank, eventually you’ll run out- you’ll have nothing left to share.

Instead, you need to work on giving yourself some love as well.

Increasing your love of self will increase the love that comes to you from others.

What is Self-Love?

Self love seems to have a bad rap these days. People often confuse it with narcissism or self-absorption. Quite the contrary though, self-compassion is about honoring your intrinsic value. It’s not about putting others down, but about seeing the best in yourself, despite your faults and weaknesses. You don’t love yourself at the expense of others, but in addition to others.

Nurturing healthy self-love will spill out into every aspect of your life. You’ll find yourself filled with self-confidence and optimism. You’ll be more willing try new things (and often find success in them), have more positive interactions with others, overcome setbacks quicker, and learn from the failures that would leave others frustrated and upset.

Think for a moment about how you rate within these qualities? Is there room for improvement?

The more time you spend caring for your emotional well-being (within reason, of course), the happier and more positive about life you’ll become.

How To Make Valentine’s Day a Day For You

So what can you do this February 14th to give yourself a little love? How can you use the holiday to grow into a stronger, more self-aware individual?

  1. Journal your relationship history. Make a list of your past partners. What fond memories do you have? What lessons did you learn along the way? How have you grown as a result from that person being in your life? You can pick just a couple to journal about, or you can go all the way back to Jr. High School- it’s up to you. But try to focus on the positive, rather than allowing you to wallow in the fact that it didn’t work out. Remember that mistakes are only worthless if we refuse to learn from them. How can you embrace your past and work toward a brighter future?
  2. What kind of person are you looking for?
    • Make a list of the positive attributes you’d like to see in your next partner. What are your deal-breakers? How about your “nice-to-haves?” Think of people you admire. What qualities do they possess? Why do you consider them a “good person?”
    • List the qualities you know you’d like to avoid in the future. Perhaps these are things you’ve learned you can’t live with, or things that harm your emotional or mental well-being.
  3. How can you improve? Take inventory. How many of the qualities above (positive or negative) do you possess? It’s my belief that it’s unrealistic for us to expect things of our partners that we do not provide ourselves. If it’s a gender-specific circumstance, what’s your gender-equivalent? Make a plan to improve yourself in the areas you’re looking for in a partner. Prepare now to be the best partner you can be.
  4. List your blessings. It’s easy to dwell on the things you don’t have in life, but this only drags us down. Spend some time during this wonderful celebration of all-types of love to be grateful for the blessings in your life. Today, let the focus be on the people that have added to it, the lessons they’ve taught you and ways they’ve helped you grow. Focusing on gratitude keeps us optimistic, happy and hopeful.

Parting Thoughts

I hope you can see the strong correlation between giving love to others and to self. By working to improve both, you end up increasing your overall life positivity, happiness and joy of life.

For me, February is about far more than candy hearts and being in a relationship. It’s a chance for me to celebrate all the love that surrounds me, including the love I have for myself. Even though I’ve recently gone through a painful divorce leaving me single for Valentine’s day for the first time in years, there’s still so much good. Focusing on that keeps me aware of more than the painful reminders of what I’ve lost- I begin to see all the positive and wonderful things that are all around me as well. Nurturing a healthy relationship with my own emotional well-being encourages me to be grateful for everything I’ve been blessed with and hopeful for what comes next.

Valentine’s Day can be a wonderful romance-filled day, or a day of incredible loneliness. Whiter or not you have a partner to celebrate with, you get to choose if you’ll spend it with happiness and optimism or frustration and sadness. Neither choice is predicated on who you’re with.

How do you decide to live?

Are You Holding Yourself Back?

Stop allowing your self-limiting beliefs to become your safety net. They’re not actually protecting you- they’re only holding you back.

I have this goal- I’ve had it for several years actually.

Well let me start off with a story.

In my story there’s this girl- let’s call her Jane. Jane loves to learn, but lately she’s been feeling a bit out of touch with the world. She hasn’t been challenging herself to think critically and deeply like she used to. She’s become rather apathetic and stagnant in her own progression and learning. She feels stuck.

To remedy this, Jane has made a goal that she’d like to resurrect a past love of hers. No, I’m not talking about the supernatural- but there is a deep passion of hers that has been pushed away, forgotten. She misses it.

Jane used to love to read. Years past, every spare moment she had was spent with a book in hand. But she hasn’t made time for it in a really long time. Life has gotten in the way. She always had more “pressing” matters to attend to. Technology took the place of her books, and the spare hours she used to relish inside the pages of a book were slowly replaced with distractions like Facebook and Netflix.

In working to “return to her roots”, Jane has set an ambitious goal to read 50 books within a year. One every week- with a little breathing room. She is anxious to feel the joy and excitement that was once commonplace from finishing a good book, and is excited to get started.

But as the days pass, she starts to fall behind. Life is busy. There are always things that need to get done. She’s not dedicating time from her busy schedule like she thought she would. Thoughts begin to fill her mind- ugly thoughts. Thoughts like “I can’t do this. Who am I to think I can actually read an entire book a week? I don’t have the dedication or willpower to do this. I’m not good enough for a goal like this. I’m just a lazy person, and there’s no way I can give my my dependence on my after-work Netflix binge time.”

What do you think happens next? Jane gives up. She throws in the towel, convinced that she’ll never even get close to achieving her goal, and returns to her struggling, apathetic self. She decides that change is too hard, and she’s just not “good enough” to be up to the task.

Can you identify with any part of this story? Maybe it seems a bit extreme, please think about the underlying concepts here.

Jane made an excellent goal. It was specific, measurable, and was deeply rooted in her life passions and priorities. It allowed herself room to grow within the dynamic person she is. It was ambitious, yet reachable.

So where did she go wrong?

When things got difficult, and I promise they always will, Jane gave up. Rather than pushing through the doubts within her mind and trying to find a way to make it work, she listened to that evil voice on her shoulder- the one that gets joy from seeing her fail. When she heard those nasty thoughts in her mind, rather than pushing them away and forging ahead, she gave up and gave in.

Have you ever been guilty of this?

Let me let you in on a secret. (One which you may have already guessed.) Jane is me. For the past three years, I’ve made this same goal, and each time I give into those thoughts that stop me dead in my tracks, giving up on the thing I so desperately want to achieve.

This example is not the only one in my life. I listen to those thoughts far more often than I should (which really should be never), and I’ve been paying the price for it every day since. Imagine the things I could have achieved in the past decade alone, had I listened to the person I want to be, rather than the limits I place on myself?

So what can we do? How can we move past those debilitating thoughts to something empowering and productive?

The first thing I think, would be to define them. Recognize the thoughts for what they really are.

They’re just thoughts!

Ever thought about something that turned out not to be true?

Have you ever heard the term Self-Limiting Belief? That’s what those thoughts are. They’re beliefs you hold about yourself that you think to be true, but they hold no purpose on your future other than to limit yourself and tear you down.

I bet you can relate to having thoughts like these from time to time. Perhaps, if you’re like me, they come regularly. You have big goals for your life, but this super-critical inner monologue tears down all the hope and confidence you’ve built.

You have the potential to accomplish so much good. As a human being, you were literally built for greatness. It is my personal (and spiritual) belief that we were each put on earth to accomplish a special mission. But so many of us fail to achieve it.

So what is keeping us from reaching our potential?

Listening to and focusing on these self-limiting thoughts and beliefs hold us back from becoming the person we were meant to be.

How to Recognize Self-Limiting Beliefs

You may not realize it, but you accept self-limiting beliefs far more often than you think.

These beliefs hold you back from achieving your best self. These beliefs come quietly and are often disguised as humility, but they aren’t aligned with who you are working to become. We’ve spent so much time listening to them that they’re ingrained into our personal beliefs of who we actually are. In order to free ourselves from those restrictions, we need to recognize that it takes time to learn how to recognize and overcome them.

Here are some warning signs that the thoughts in your head might really be self-sabotage:

Self-Limiting Beliefs Are Negative

Self-limiting beliefs are always negative. When you start listing all the reasons you won’t succeed instead of focusing on the potential within you, you’re setting limits on who you may become. You’re not exploring your potential- working toward the greatness within you. Instead, you allow yourself to believe in words like: “Who are you to apply for this? Nobody is interested in what you say. You’re not skilled enough for this. Everyone will think you’re just a big joke if you say that.”

Self-Limiting Beliefs Keep you from Growing

Believing the negative is your brain’s way of avoiding doing new things. Subconsciously you begin telling yourself that if you’re going to fail no matter what you try, there’s no use in even taking a step forward. And staying still, where it’s comfortable, is your mind’s way of sticking to the comfort zone where it’s safe. But you can’t grow if you don’t move forward, right?

Self-Limiting Beliefs Are Selfish

Often, self-limiting beliefs leave you stuck within yourself.

When we think things like “There are far more qualified people out there who can serve” and “I don’t have anything new to share”, we are keeping our light within us instead of allowing it to shine out in the world. We keep our thoughts and experiences to ourselves instead of allowing them to help others.

Maybe you don’t know it all. Maybe there are people out there that have similar experiences and talents. But they aren’t you. And you have a unique perspective that someone needs.

By not sharing, you’re being selfish. You may think it’s humility, but you’re robbing the world of the value you have to offer! When you fiercely guard what’s “yours”, not only does this keep you from growing, it keeps you from developing connections with those around you that you see as potentially “hostile” or “dangerous”.

Self-Limiting Beliefs Victimizes Yourself

Do you know those people that think the whole world is out to get them? That everything is wrong in their lives and everyone hates them and the universe is just seemingly plotting against them? I was one of those people for a long time, so I get it. I do.

The problem though, is that sticking to that mindset only bears fruit of the same. Negativity begets negativity. You’re not just going to wake up one day and be positive. That’s not how the brain works.

You have to choose to think positively. You have to push aside the negative thought and focus on the good. Pick one positive thought in your mind. List one thing you’re grateful for. Trust me, it helps!

When you give in to to the internal limits of your mind, you’re allowing yourself to settle into the “victim mindset.”

What does it look like? Pretty much whenever you’re blaming someone else for the choices you make.

Thoughts like: “My parents didn’t have enough money to send me to college, so I couldn’t get an education. I don’t have it as good as everyone else out there.” or “Everyone in my family is overweight- I never had a chance. I’ll be overweight forever and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Do you see the problem here? When you let everyone else take the blame for things you could actually control if you put your mind to it, you’re giving away all your power. You’re saying that you’re incapable of making changes. You’re convincing yourself that you “can’t” do something.

See those limits rearing their ugly little heads?

We all have agency. We all have our own individual choices in life. We can choose to take a step forward or a step back. But rarely are we allowed to stay in one place.

So what do you choose?

Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs to Grow

Recognizing self-limiting beliefs does take time. When you find yourself focused on a self-limiting belief, there are some things you can do to improve your mindset and self-confidence. If you regularly utilize proper tools to help you refocus the limiting thoughts, eventually you’ll notice a shift in your mindset that will lead to a more positive and empowering you.

Become Aware

Pause and listen to your thoughts throughout the day. Write them down. Analyze them.

Are they positive or negative?

Positive thoughts empower us to be and do more. They help us to grow, and they tell us we are on the right path towards our goals.

Negative thoughts hold us back. They tell us we can’t do things. That we’re not good enough, that what we want won’t happen.

Which thoughts do you think hold more truth? Which thoughts would you rather fill your mind?

Give Yourself Grace

When you discover a self-limiting beliefs, approach it with kindness and love. Don’t make the problem worse by berating yourself for low-self esteem or lack of confidence. Everyone has these beliefs in varying degrees and intensities.

Follow it up with gentle questions. Approach it as if you were talking to a good friend or loved one. Be kind to yourself. Address the fear, but try to help yourself understand that moving forward is the ultimate goal.

This will sound different for every person, but I like to phrase it something like: “I know this is hard. I know it’s uncomfortable. But remember: this is getting us to where we really want to go! Won’t it be worth it when we get there?”

Use Journaling

I can’t tell you enough how much I love journaling. I’ve always had a journal, but it wasn’t until my most recent life struggle that I really came to terms with how therapeutic and enlightening it can be. I can’t sing enough praises for how essential keeping a journal can be for your mental wellness.

In terms of working through your self-limiting beliefs, journaling can be helpful in getting to the root of your thoughts.

Use self-discovery questions like: “Is this belief an echo of what someone has told me or made me feel at some point?” and “Do I have perspective here? What is the worst that can happen?” These help you get to the root of what’s in your mind, rather than just taking each statement at face-value.

Reframe the Belief

Don’t allow self-limiting beliefs to keep you stuck. Challenge them with positive truths and affirmations that help you move forward.

Let’s say you have this thought that you’re restricted to a certain salary or wage in your career. Turn it around in your mind: “I am only limited by my choices. I do good work and I deserve to be well compensated for it.”

Remember that you are in control of your own choices and actions. At what rate do you want to grow?

Take Responsibility

Own your weaknesses. They’re part of who you are. Being unskilled at something or unaware of certain information doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you uniformed- nothing else. If it’s something important to you, make it a priority to improve. If it’s not aligned to your current goals, let it go and focus on what does matter. It’s that simple! Stop making excuses for yourself of why you “can’t” do this or “can’t” do that.

When I was teaching high school, the word “can’t” was a dirty word in my classroom. I didn’t accept it of my students, because I knew it limited their thoughts of what they could do.

Instead, I asked them what they “could” do. Where could they start?

Maybe it’ll be difficult. Maybe it’ll be uncomfortable. But growth stems from discomfort. Stepping out of our comfort zone is what helps us improve. We can’t improve if we don’t push through the unknown.

So stop allowing your self-limiting beliefs to become your safety net. They’re not actually protecting you- they’re only holding you back.

Let’s move forward, shall we?

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Healing through Divorce Seeing the Good in Self-Discovery & Growth

Divorce was something I never thought I'd recover from. This is my journey of healing from the heartbreak I thought would defeat me, and what I've learned along the way.

Six and a half years ago I married a man who ruled my world. Though I wasn’t so naive to think everything would be perfect, the goodness in him was evident, and I knew he was the right choice for me. We had joint dreams, beliefs and interests, and with him I felt more joy than I had ever before.

I remember through our engagement when we would think and discuss our future we would say “we’re going to be awesome!” And we were! For a time.

But life got difficult and communication changed. We stopped being partners and became roommates. We still had great experiences and good times, but they were coming less often.

When I signed the divorce papers not too long ago, the man who had once been my best friend and held all my dreams for the future, was now little more than a stranger. A stranger with many years of history and baggage between us. I no longer recognized him.

But my purposes for writing about my divorce is not to dwell in the negative of what happened. Quite the opposite, I want to share some of the incredible thoughts and experiences I’ve had since.  

Though I didn’t ask for this trial and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I can’t say that every aspect of it has been horrible. Ironically enough, in some ways I’m also happier than I’ve been for a long time. I know without a doubt that I’ve been blessed throughout all of this.

This process of healing & letting go has given me new realizations about myself and unexpected life benefits I’d never have anticipated.

Realizations:

I am stronger than I thought.

I’ve never seen myself as a strong person. Maybe it’s my lack of confidence or my tendency to be too hard on myself. Either way, though the divorce came quickly and unexpectedly, I’d pondered occasionally what I’d do if we did separate.

Let me tell you- my thoughts weren’t filled with rainbows and unicorns.

I didn’t think I’d survive it.

And if I’m being honest, I stayed in a difficult relationship partly because I didn’t want to try to survive it. (There were many other reasons I stayed, but I’ll address those at a later time.)

I didn’t believe in my ability to work through the difficulties and find my sunshine again.

But you know what I’ve learned? I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for!

I’m learning that I CAN do this! I WILL get through this!

Everyday that passes is another testament that I am surviving what I’d thought would completely destroy me.

I’m not saying it’s easy, but I’m getting through it. Better than I ever thought I would. And next time I’m faced with something difficult? Maybe I’ll trust my inner strength just a little more.

My faith in God is more sure.

I’ve never been the ultra-spiritual one in my family, but I’ve always held a knowledge of  God and my Savior. It was more of a quiet faith- I knew the truth in my heart and followed the principles I knew to be true, but I never felt the burning desire to dive head-first into His teachings.

When the “writing on the wall” became more and more apparent, and though I hoped and prayed it wouldn’t happen, I wondered what I’d do if it did. Would I abandon the God who seemingly abandoned me? Would I grow more lazy in my worship and tell myself He is to blame?

I didn’t know. I’ve never really been very good at imagining the hypotheticals. But when I was being honest with myself, I feared that would be my reaction.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered the opposite. When I found my marriage, the thing that I treasured and held so dear, crumbling at my feet, I was devastated. I was frustrated and confused and hurt. God was supposed to protect me from this pain, wasn’t He?  This is the time I would’ve thought I’d be lashing out in anger and frustration.

But you know what happened? I felt my Father in Heaven wrap his loving arms around me, and I felt not only safe, but empowered.

I could do this! I would survive this! I would get through this! And not only would I eventually return to who I used to be, but I’d come out on top! I’d be better than I started!

That feeling was life changing for me. I didn’t need to lash out, because He was right there with me. So though things didn’t work out for me the way I wanted, I know He has a plan for me that right now I don’t understand. And for now, that’s enough.

The “Silver Lining”:

Let me preface this section by saying that I didn’t want this divorce. This is not something I sought out or wished for.

But since I’m choosing to try and see the good instead of focusing on the bad (a feat for me, trust me!) when I sit down and think about it, there are some definite blessings I have received as a result of this change in my life.

I won’t list them all, because there have been many. I can definitely see God’s guiding hand in my life. But here are a few I feel some of you can relate to.

Relationship with God

Before the divorce, I’d been lazy in my worship and in my study. I didn’t always make the choices I knew were right, and I let myself be ruled by complacency rather than spirituality.

This has given me a new drive to move forward with what I know to be true and right. I no longer believe that I can skate by with minimal effort. That’s no longer enough for me. I’m grateful for this “kick in the pants” so to speak, though yes, I do wish I’d have been open & willing to listen another way.

Closer to Family

I’ve always been a family-oriented girl. I love my family. I am beyond blessed to have been born into one that is supportive and loving. I see evidence all around me of those who have not been so lucky, and it saddens me.

It was extremely difficult when I moved away from these people I loved so deeply. I felt that at the time it was right for my family, and I still believe it was. But it was hard. It was difficult to miss the everyday events, my niece and nephew’s play, the day my nephews won their little league championship. I missed a lot, but I knew I was building a future for my family, and that was enough.

After the divorce I moved back home. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be back! To be so close to the people that I know love and care for me. To be showered with affection and appreciation and positivity. It has been a boon to my soul, and I am immensely grateful.

I don’t know how I ever left them, and I don’t know if I’d do it again. But for now, I’m so blessed and treasure the time with them.

Focus on Me

This one is a little good along with a little not-so good. It’s necessary for me, but a constant reminder of the person missing from my life.

Being on my own again after being a girlfriend/fiance/wife for 7 years has given me a chance to focus on nobody but myself. Not in a selfish way, but in a “strengthen myself” kind of way.

I’ve needed this for so long, but the day-to-day living always seemed to come first. Focusing on my job, taking care of the house, meeting his needs.

I’m not saying I never had the opportunity to take the time to re-evaluate my own needs, but I certainly never took it. Other things always seemed more important, more pressing.

Now? I’m taking it. I’m allowing myself to take the time I need to really discover who I am now. Because I’ve changed a lot in the last 7 years, and I need to address that.

It’s been beautiful to re-discover some forgotten strengths, to gracefully take note of the things I need to work on. Rather than beating myself up, I am loving myself for who I am right now, as well making plans to become the person I want to be.

How I’m Healing

Divorce quite often comes with a lot of pain, no matter what circumstances preclude it. Mine sure did. And I’ve learned that without coming to terms with and working through that pain, I’ll never be ready for what comes next.

So I’m working on healing! How do I go about it?

Family

As you can probably imagine from reading above, spending a lot of quality time has been more beneficial than I ever could have hoped for. Being fully surrounded by love on a constant basis has given my soul much needed nourishment.

It helps to have people in my life who have been where I am and can help me process what I’m going through. I can talk through my emotions and they are validated and acknowledged.

I’m staying with my sister right now, and being in her home has been inspiring. The way she (and her husband) love and teach their children is inspiring. The sweet good morning and night hugs from my nieces and nephews fill my heart.

God

I’ve mentioned a few things above about how increasing my spirituality has helped me heal, but I’ll tell you another.

I’ve allowed myself to forgive and have hope. Not completely mind you. I’m human! But I’m working on it. I’m not filled with contempt and hate the way I’d worried I would be. I’m not destroyed with depression and worry.

I know these feelings of peace and love are coming from above, because I’m not strong enough to have them myself!

Self care & lots of grace

I am normally so hard on myself. I beat myself up over the things I don’t do, the qualities I don’t have and the mistakes I make. Normally.

But right now? I’m trying very hard not to. And surprisingly, I’m mostly succeeding. It’s strange though- at a time when I thought I’d be the most difficult of all, I’ve felt a peace and direction I’ve never had.

I am where I need to be. It’s hard to accept right now, when my life is in such disarray. But this is where I need to be to receive the blessings and life that is coming.

So right now? I’m giving myself lots of grace. Forgiving myself when it’s needed and allowing me to take things slow. For my normally quick/get things done personalty, this is really something! Slow isn’t how I work. But right now?

Let me give you an example. I’m finding it hard to focus on a single task right now. My thoughts start drifting and memories take over, sadness/grief/loss sets in and the task goes forgotten. Normally I’d get so frustrated with myself for “wasting time.” But really? Who can blame me? So I give myself grace (my version of a personal hug to myself) and pick the task back up how and when I can.

I’ll get there eventually. I’ll return to my ultra-productive get-things-done self. Mostly. But honestly? I wouldn’t mind if this new “forgive myself” attitude remained.

Keeping Busy & building ministry

I’ve spoken a ton about myself and my own experiences– but this section is about you!

I’ve been wanting to build and grow this blog for a long time, and even took some major steps to get it going before the news hit. But ever since it has, I’ve felt a major shift in what I want to share with you.

I want to be less focused on getting “more” done, and more focused on helping you determine what’s most important in your life. It does no good to get 30 things checked off your list if none of them are helping you be the person you want to be. I want you to be intentional about what you’re choosing to spend your time on, rather than just solving whatever emergency happens to come up.

Why does this matter? Because this divorce has taught me that “someday” may never come. There’s a lot we said we would “someday” do or change or fix. And our “someday”, as a couple, will never come. And I’m grieving that, but I don’t want your someday to never come. I want you to accomplish the things you want for yourself. I want you to focus your very limited time on the things that matter.

So what does this have to do with how I’m healing? Everything, actually. A year ago I didn’t know my purpose. I had no direction. My life was stagnant. I wasn’t progressing.

Now? I know this is where I need to be. So I’m building my ministry. I’m going to share with you the things I’ve experienced, what I’ve learned and what has helped me grow. I’m hoping that by doing this I can help you avoid some possible pitfalls and give you some tools that have helped me along the way.  And that’s healing to me? Extremely so.

I hope you don’t mind me being so open and honest with you. That’s my goal: to be as transparent as possible so that you can see how what I’ve experienced has influenced and changed me into who I am. Because that’s how I can help you. I’ve lived through things that have taught me how to value my time, how to organize my life in an intentional way, and how to respect and care for myself- because really, I’m the only me I’ve got!

It’s been an (almost) unbearably difficult few months, but each day that passes feels like a victory. One more day. I survived one more day. And I’ll keep surviving, each day after that. Because I’m not alone, I have more strength than I ever thought, and I have a ministry to fulfill!

How about you? How do you look for the good, even when it’s difficult? Share in the comments below.

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